Critter Alley

Critter Alley

Friday, August 12, 2011

Grumbling and Rumbling

Guess what I got to do this morning?

A colonoscopy isn't difficult. It's the days beforehand that are a real drag.

Monday: No fresh green salad.  Really?  Really???

Tuesday and Wednesday: Low residue diet.  As an underly-creative cook, I pretty much existed on graham crackers, dry grilled chicken breast, and ice cream. I don't imagine this would have been a good time to test my blood sugar.

Thursday: Clear liquids only. I had Apple juice, diet 7-Urp (so-named because I always associate it with being sick), and cranberry juice to comfort me.

Then began the fun. I started swigging down the "bowl prep" solution at 6pm. Could they possibly make this stuff taste any more vile? All I could do was hold my nose and chug it...8 ounces every ten minutes. And boy, does it work fast. By 7pm, my bathroom became my best friend and only companion. Hubby chose not to hang around for this part. He's most definitely a fair-weather friend.

This morning: off to the Endoscopy Center. The nurses were friendly and helpful. With a curtain pulled across the door of my cubicle sized room (I ask you, who can be modest in a situation like this?) my clothes were shucked off to be replaced by one of those designer hospital gowns that leave your backside completely exposed. A true fashion statement.

It hardly hurt at all when the IV was inserted in my hand. Then only a few minutes and tons of paperwork later, the wheels began to squeak on the gurney that took me back to a tiny exam room.

"Turn on your side".

Nurses know best, so I obliged, exposing my fanny to a room full of pleasant strangers. Then the anesthesiologist did his thing and I drifted away to dreams of grilled steak, Caeser salad, and spicy stuffed zucchini. Ahhhh.....

In what seemed to be no time at all, I awakened back in my cubicle surrounded by rooms filled with other cheerfully tooting patients. Oh yes... for the uninitiated, that's a delightful side effect of the procedure.

Peanut butter crackers washed down by liberal sips of Diet Coke never tasted so good. I got a stack of instructions, and released to go home.

Back at the house, Hubby vacates for more pleasant pastimes. So here I am, with rumbling guts and animals glued to either side of me. I think we're all ready for a cozy nap.

Another perk of cats and dogs:  They make terrific heating pads!


Donna Volkenannt said...

That procedure is no fun, but it's necessary.
Hope you're rested and back on your feet soon.

Oskar said...

My mom person always gets those for her tummy problems. She says it's weird the way one minute your talking to people & the next you wake up someplace else!

Nubbin wiggles,

Linda O'Connell said...

Oh Pat, I know exactly what you mean. When I had mine, the directions were to mix it with a quart of Gatorade. I mixed it with a half gallon...that stuff was like a bottomless drink!

BECKY said...

Ha! Very humorous take on a not-so-nice procedure! I've never heard of starting the diet requirements that many days early, though. I felt so good when I woke up, I thought...Hhmm, I'd like to have another of those, please! :)
My husband was leaning over me, talking. I could see him. I saw him talking. I heard his words. But I had no idea what he was saying! LOL

Fireblossom said...

...which explains why I have successfully rebuffed all attempts to get me to have a colonoscopy.

Not to mention the deductible.

Peggy Frezon said...

Glad you got through that. The last time I had it done, I was still pretty woozy and we ran into the doctor in the hall, and apparently I hugged him and practically kissed him. I have no memory of this.

Tammy said...

I just had my first one a few months ago. You sure summed it up. I never dreamed the worst part would be swigging that vile concoction. No wonder your furry friends were glad to see you--nature abhors a vacuum, and that stuff leaves you vacuumed and scrubbed clean. Glad you made it.

Adien Crafts said...

Ouch - sounds like that procedure deserves a reward of plenty of chocolate! Nice to meet you and thanks for the visit, Dex and Lou xxx

Rick Watson said...

What a hoot. I have a friend who wrote a song called colonoscopy blues. It is hilarious.

I consider colonoscopies a feature of growing old. My wife has to have one soon. She had so much fun at my expense when I had mine. Payback will be sweet.

Ryker said...

Yep, it's not the procedure but the prep that's so crappy!

Cat and DOG Chat With Caren said...

oh aren't they FUN!!!????

I learned a trick on mine! There was no way I could tolerate drinking every single drop of that garbage you have to drink beforehand. I think I didn't drink about 10 ounces of it that I was supposed to and they were STILL able to do the test.

I drank everything but 10 ounces. That for sure is the worst part, the actual test is a piece of cake!

Glad that is over with for you!
YES, pets (and husbands actually lol) make wonderful heating pads!

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

I've always been curious... can you sleep at ALL the night before with the Bowl cleanse thing going on???

Lassiter Chase and Benjamin said...

Gee, Mommy hasn't had one of those procedures yet (knock on wood) - but all the preparations for that test sound like that was the real pain in the butt part of the procedure anyway. Hope you are feeling better now.