Friday, August 12, 2011
Grumbling and Rumbling
Guess what I got to do this morning?
A colonoscopy isn't difficult. It's the days beforehand that are a real drag.
Monday: No fresh green salad. Really? Really???
Tuesday and Wednesday: Low residue diet. As an underly-creative cook, I pretty much existed on graham crackers, dry grilled chicken breast, and ice cream. I don't imagine this would have been a good time to test my blood sugar.
Thursday: Clear liquids only. I had Apple juice, diet 7-Urp (so-named because I always associate it with being sick), and cranberry juice to comfort me.
Then began the fun. I started swigging down the "bowl prep" solution at 6pm. Could they possibly make this stuff taste any more vile? All I could do was hold my nose and chug it...8 ounces every ten minutes. And boy, does it work fast. By 7pm, my bathroom became my best friend and only companion. Hubby chose not to hang around for this part. He's most definitely a fair-weather friend.
This morning: off to the Endoscopy Center. The nurses were friendly and helpful. With a curtain pulled across the door of my cubicle sized room (I ask you, who can be modest in a situation like this?) my clothes were shucked off to be replaced by one of those designer hospital gowns that leave your backside completely exposed. A true fashion statement.
It hardly hurt at all when the IV was inserted in my hand. Then only a few minutes and tons of paperwork later, the wheels began to squeak on the gurney that took me back to a tiny exam room.
"Turn on your side".
Nurses know best, so I obliged, exposing my fanny to a room full of pleasant strangers. Then the anesthesiologist did his thing and I drifted away to dreams of grilled steak, Caeser salad, and spicy stuffed zucchini. Ahhhh.....
In what seemed to be no time at all, I awakened back in my cubicle surrounded by rooms filled with other cheerfully tooting patients. Oh yes... for the uninitiated, that's a delightful side effect of the procedure.
Peanut butter crackers washed down by liberal sips of Diet Coke never tasted so good. I got a stack of instructions, and released to go home.
Back at the house, Hubby vacates for more pleasant pastimes. So here I am, with rumbling guts and animals glued to either side of me. I think we're all ready for a cozy nap.
Another perk of cats and dogs: They make terrific heating pads!