Friday, April 8, 2011
He looks sweet and guileless. But don't let the picture fool you. Because that cat...is a career criminal. And I can prove it.
The F.B.I. (Feline Behavioral Institute) has identified the top six signs indicating a kitty who has abandoned all moral decency and fallen to a life of crime and depravity. Here they are (in no particular order).
1. Engages in late night antics that includes whisker-to-nose torture, shoving bedside items to the floor, and reposing upon the faces of sleeping victims.
2. Bites the hand of anyone audacious enough not to give head rubs upon demand.
3. Steps on the keyboard in a fashion calculated to cause maximum mistakes with minimum effort. Especially fond of the "Delete" button.
4. Lurks next to doors in order to escape to the outside world at the slimmest opportunity. Laughs at whomever is forced to run outside wearing ratty old pajamas while trying to effect a capture.
5. Attacks curtains without provocation. Uses resulting fabric shreds for future entertainment purposes.
6. Causes severe bodily harm to anything feathered. Hides the evidence.
I am sorry to report that my seemingly chaste cat is guilty of all the above...and more. When confronted with the facts, he gave the following statement...
"I ain't talking until I see my lawyer, Purr-y Mason!"