Critter Alley

Critter Alley

Friday, April 8, 2011

Kitty Crimes



















He looks sweet and guileless. But don't let the picture fool you. Because that cat...is a career criminal. And I can prove it.

The F.B.I. (Feline Behavioral Institute) has identified the top six signs indicating a kitty who has abandoned all moral decency and fallen to a life of crime and depravity. Here they are (in no particular order).

1. Engages in late night antics that includes whisker-to-nose torture, shoving bedside items to the floor, and reposing upon the faces of sleeping victims.

2.  Bites the hand of anyone audacious enough not to give head rubs upon demand.

3. Steps on the keyboard in a fashion calculated to cause maximum mistakes with minimum effort. Especially fond of the "Delete" button.

4. Lurks next to doors in order to escape to the outside world at the slimmest opportunity. Laughs at whomever is forced to run outside wearing ratty old pajamas while trying to effect a capture.

5. Attacks curtains without provocation. Uses resulting fabric shreds for future entertainment purposes.

6. Causes severe bodily harm to anything feathered. Hides the evidence.

I am sorry to report that my seemingly chaste cat is guilty of all the above...and more. When confronted with the facts, he gave the following statement...

"I ain't talking until I see my lawyer, Purr-y Mason!"

20 comments:

Vicki Stringfellow Cook said...

Yikes - I'm ashamed to say I have several cat criminals living in my house too!

An English Shepherd said...

Oops fair cop ;-)

Fireblossom said...

The district attorney has brought these specious charges against my client for purely political reasons. My client and I vigorously deny all of these preposterous allegations, and in fact, intend to sue for libel. Anyone could have done these things, if they even happened at all. Furthermore-- ow! My hand!

Roo said...

Who made the rules up anyway?!!! I'm thinkin criminal kitteh and I would have thrived in the Wild West days :)

Roo

Tammy said...

Too funny! That face is the perfect defense!

Carrie, with Tanner and Oliver said...

That was great! Patches readily admits to joining ranks with your criminal, as she is guilty of stalking and assault and battery on a lizzard--her favorite passtime on our porch!

Next weekend while I'm playing on this hop, I'll also be hosting one at my blog. I'd love to have you join in to help homeless bunny friends find furever homes. Check it out http://www.allthingsdogblog.com/2011/04/easter-rabbit-adoptathon-blog-hop.html

Frankie Furter said...

Well now... that is an impressive list... Love the Purrrry Mason thingy. hehehehe

Carrie, with Tanner and Oliver said...

Happy to join your ranks through Google Friend Connect. Send me your FB and Twitter handles so we can connect there. I'm at http://www.facebook.com/allthingsdogblog and http://twitter.com/allthingsdog

thanks for joining forces!

Mr. Pip said...

This is hysterical! You have just described my sister Rosie perfectly! I had no idea she was a twisted career criminal - well, maybe I did!

Your pal, Pip

Lavi said...

That kitty is guilty as charged! I think I've met a few accomplices around here too. I think it's a whole kitty mafia going on. Quick, hide the tuna!

Sherry said...

Totally agree. They are all practiced deceivers. Happy blog hop day!
Alanis & Miro

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Hehehe...we have one of those criminal cats. Our kitten, Luna, terrorizes the dogs and the older two cats; she can't stand to see items on a shelf...her compulsion is to knock everything to the floor if such is possible. And she's adorable and knows it. The little stinker. Even the dogs just wag their tails at her, even if she's batting at them. :)

Oskar said...

I thinks they all might be crooked!

Nubbin wiggles,
Oskar

the booker man said...

uh-oh, bogey! you've been outed!! heeheehee. ;)

*woof*
the booker man

Benny and Lily said...

You gotta watch out for those nice looking sweet kids
Benny & Lily

Pup Fan said...

Purr-y Mason... ha! You know I love those punny names. :)

Linda O'Connell said...

Pat, Very funny stuff. Send it to Cat Fancy. Congrats on your win.

Cattis said...

Poor kitty, not a change at the trial, too many evidence.

Dianna Graveman said...

Hi, Pat! Just have to tell you that I read all the time--and obviously need to comment more often. Today I let my daughter talk me into a photo shoot with my beagle, Georgia, which I posted on my blog. Our animals are such blessings, aren't they? Hope all is well!

Eileen said...

I'm afraid that there is a kitty criminal living in my house as well! xD